You know what amazes me? That a parent could speak to a small child with anything but love and understanding. I hate seeing parents belittle, shame, or scream at their children for things such as crying, being too sensitive, or having feelings. I've witnessed people screaming at their kids for crying or being afraid. Hmm, I can't imagine how much that parent would complain if another adult spoke to him/her that way. He/she would probably moan about it and be indignant, but they wouldn't be able to put in perspective, would they? Maybe the parent was stressed out? But maybe after the 10th time of being "stressed" and blowing up at your kid, he/she won't trust that parent anymore, or will feel resentment towards that parent. Maybe even shame about himself or have self esteem issues.
What's even more frightening is the adult that screams at, and belittles his/her grown child. It's hard to be that grown child, feeling shame and abuse, but no power over the situation. Being a parent who plays mind games sounds horrible to me, and having one is even worse. Those mind games can come from one parent, who just causes drama, shame, or has too high of expectations that are always let down. They can also come from another parent who acts calm when he's getting his way, then blows up and physically/verbally abuses his family is he doesn't get his way. Then he'll make the abused person feel guilty for causing the blow-up. Hmm. Maybe he's to blame. Maybe the little bug in his ear buzz buzz buzzing away is to blame? But never the abused person.
It's hard to break a cycle of abuse. To say "no!" and even more to have kindness and compassion when parenting your own children after growing up with that abuse. Having a grandfather, father, and sister with rage issues that are swept aside by enabling grandmothers, wives, and mothers doesn't stop the problem. It keeps it going for another generation. These are the people that tell you *not* to post on facebook about your feelings, who expect things to just get swept under the rug when they feel things are getting too real. They don't want their fun and carefree image with their friends to be sullied. They value their friends, they own their children.