I have this pent up energy and nowhere to really turn or write. I love love LOVE my Bergman Diaries blog, but the thing I want to talk about is not something I really want to write about on there. Usually I would, but lately I feel like I should start holding back online. Everyone else I know has this normal amount of privacy, and I'm here like "hey I pooped today and it was brown and green!". Lol. I don't feel shame about my own lake of modesty, but sometimes I wonder if I should.
Anyways, since I haven't been telling anyone when I've been updating my main blog, I haven't gotten any views or comments. If that one is going unwatched, I know this one definitely is. Makes a good place to keep track of my thoughts, vents, and too-private-to-post-about things :)
Okay, here we go!
Up until this month I have been so sure that I don't want another baby. I looked into the eyes of my gorgeous little toddler and knew that she fulfilled every hope and dream I ever had for a child of my own. I could go on and on about how amazing she is, but if you want to read that go check out Bergman Diaries ;-)
I mentioned something like this to Diann and she said that saying things like that to people with multiple kids is offensive. That they might think that I'm saying that parents will stop once they get the "good" kid, and said "don't you think they love that first kid more than anything?" and it made something click in my mind.
Having another kid wouldn't mean that Michelle means any less to me, or that she still isn't the coolest freaking kid in the world, but it means that I can have a whole house full of awesome people. I'm not saying that I am not afraid of my love being enough, and that I'm not afraid of Michelle feeling confused, unwanted, or ignored. What I am saying is that I think every parent worries about this when they bring another child into this world, and that everyone I know loves ALL of their kids just as much, and as fiercely as I love Michelle.
All of that rambling and venting means one thing: I am ready for another amazing, awesome, cool child. I talked to Michael about it, and so it he. It's scary when I think about it too hard, but I know in my heart that it's time.
I've been tracking my period since Michelle was born, so hopefully my ovulation tracker(s) are accurate. One says I was ovulating last week, one says this week. My cervical fluid was optimal a few days ago, so hopefully my egg captured some silly sperm and I have a baby brewing. Who knows..we'll see between our 10 year anniversary (ah!) on the 28th, and the 4th of July. If my period doesn't start on the 28th, I might do a test..or I might wait until the 4th. Ah! Crazy to think about.
However, Mish caught a cold and has been nursing SO much lately, so that could impact my abilities to conceive right now (dries up cervical fluids). Lol, good timing! I think if I get pregnant, then yay! If not this month, then we'll try again in July.
Feels good to write about! <3
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